If you have a peptic ulcer it could mean that you live life hard and with abandon. This is the type of reputation that a lot of people envy, and so just having a peptic ulcer could give you a bit of street cred. On the other hand, there are many people who view ulcers as just being caused by doing all the wrong things and reaping the rewards. Don’t worry about these negative people though, if you want a peptic ulcer you shouldn’t have to justify your reasons to anyone. Just be warned that this can be a painful condition that can make life a bit unbearable. If you are a real tough person this won’t put you off at all.
So what is a Peptic Ulcer?
Before we move onto the tips for getting this type of ulcer it might be worth finding out a bit more about what it actually is. In basic terms it is an area of damage inner lining of the stomach; although it can also occur in the duodenum or oesophagus. This damage is usually caused by inflammation which can be triggered by a number of different things. The most common symptoms associated with peptic ulcer include:
- Intense pain that often starts about 3 hours after you have eating your last meal
- A loss of appetite which is likely to lead to a fall in body weight
- A feeling of fullness in the abdominal area
- Nausea and vomiting
- Dark blood in your stool – tarry looking poo
- Vomiting up blood
How to Get Peptic Ulcers
Now that you know what peptic ulcers are we can finally move onto how to get them. Here are just a few of the most effective techniques.
- Become as stressed as possible and stay like this most of the time. Chronic stress is to peptic ulcers what booze is to drunkenness – you really can’t get enough of it. You can create a lot of stress in your life by being unproductive at work and feckless in your relationships. If this isn’t enough to bring along an ulcer you could always try substance abuse or crime.
- Smoking cigarettes is also great for bringing on peptic ulcers. Another benefit of smoking is that it will slow down the healing of any ulcer you develop. You really can’t go wrong with cigarettes if your goal is to be unwell.
- Alcohol and caffeine are two other substances that are wonderful for creating damage to the stomach. These two substances are toxic so it is hardly surprising that they can cause such havoc. The advice then is to ensure that during all your waking hours you have either an alcoholic drink or a cup of coffee attached to your arm.
- Drugs like Aspin are also good for encouraging ulcers. Try to always consume these on an empty stomach so as to increase the potential for damage to your stomach lining.