Beer bellies are more than just a fashion statement; they are a declaration that you are not afraid to enjoy the good things in life. Sure, having all that fat in your gut area is likely to knock a few decades of your lifespan, but when you consider the benefits of a beer belly it is worth it. Fitness and healthy eating is for losers; a beer belly is a sign that you are a winner in life because you can afford to drink and eat a lot. Some people like to show off their wealth with a flashy car, but you will be able to take your beer belly wherever you go – a constant reminder to people of your success. Here are a few tips to help you cultivate an impressively huge beer gut.
- Move around as little as possible because otherwise you will be wasting precious calories. When it comes to putting on weight, every calorie counts and just walking to the shops can use up a lot of calories. In order to stop wasting calories you should implement the following life changes; work from home, order any shopping online, only speak to people online, and move around the house in a wheelchair. If you find that you are missing the outdoors you will be able to buy some nature videos.
- The pub is a great place for putting on weight; in fact it could be described as the gym for beer belly lovers. Although you will be spending a lot of time sitting at home, you will definitely want to make time for regular visits to the bar. When you are there try not to move around too much. If you are the sporty type you could try darts, as this is the favourite sport of beer belly enthusiasts.
- Pub goers waste a lot of calories visiting the toilet; this is a shame because it undoes a lot of your good work. It might be worth speaking to your doctor and asking him to insert a catheter into your penis; that way you can pee directly into a bag. If you don’t have a regular partner (or you have one that isn’t overly fussy) you might also want to consider wearing adult diapers; that way you won’t have to go to the toilet at all.
- Avoid vegetables and fruit as much as possible because these don’t have enough calories per pound to help you develop an impressive beer gut. The worry is that if you eat too many vegetables it could make you feel full and unable to eat other more important foods like cream cakes and chocolate. Of course beer is the ideal nutrient for those who want a beer belly; you can ingest a lot of empty calories this way without ever feeling full.
- Make sure that you always read the nutritional information on the label of any products you are considering eating; opt for those products that have the most calories and fat content.