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Health Not

How to Get a Staph Infection

Staphylococcus (staph) is a type of bacteria that can cause a lot of problems for humans. It can be the cause of many different diseases and some of them can even be deadly. If you enjoy living on the edge and have no qualms about felling terribly ill then you just might want to get a staph infection. The good news is that this type of infection is very common so you should have no problem picking it up.

What is a Staph Infection?

Before we go into the crazy topic of how to get a staphylococcus infection it might be worthwhile to have a closer look at this fascinating germ. You may be surprised to learn that staph isn’t just one bacterium but instead refers to a whole group of different bacteria which are all capable of creating different types of mischief. The name of staphylococcus comes from the Greek language and means ‘grapes’. This is not because staph taste anything like grapes but they do sort of look like this fruit when examined under the microscope – although you do need a bit of imagination to appreciate the similarity. Staphylococcus tends to be highly contagious and this makes the job of those who want to host this germ a lot easier.

The number of diseases and conditions that are caused by staph infection is impressive. They include:

  • Skin infections
  • Pneumonia
  • Urinary tract infections
  • Cellulites
  • Food poisoning
  • Sepsis
  • Toxic shock syndrome
  • MRSA
  • Eye infections
  • VRSA
  • Endocarditis
  • Neonatal sepsis
  • Impetigo

The above are just some of the problems cause by staph infections – we could go on all day.

How to Get a Staph Infection

Now that you have been suitably impressed by the damage that this type of bacteria can cause, you will likely want to know how to get it. Here are just a few suggestions:

  • As we have already mentioned staph infections tend to be highly contagious so if you know somebody that has one of these infections you should get close to them. Having a lot of close physical contact with somebody with Staphylococcus diseases is probably the number one thing you can do if you want to become similarly sick.
  • If you stop washing your hands then this can greatly increase your chances of getting staph. This will work particularly well if you are in contact with infected people.
  • If you are a woman you should leave your tampon in as long as possible during menstruation. This will increase your chances of attracting this bacteria and toxic shock syndrome will be highly likely.
  • If you eat the wrong type of food and don’t exercise it will help weaken your immune system. You will then be less able to defend against a staph infection which is good news for you.
  • Move to a country where they overprescribe antibiotics and take as much of this medication as possible. This will lower your resistance and your prize could be MRSA or even the more deadly VRSA.
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How to Get Diarrhoea?

DiarrheaIf you enjoy spending a lot of the day sitting on the toilet then you might see diarrhoea as the perfect excuse for this. Diarrhoea can be really unpleasant and if we are not careful it could even make us dehydrated and very ill. If you do want to experience diarrhoea though there are things you can do to make it more likely to occur.

How to Get Diarrhoea

Here are just a few of the ways that you can make brown liquid flow out of your bottom –

  • Food poisoning is a common way to get diarrhoea. This is usually as a result of bacteria in the food producing toxins which then cause cramps and cause the intestine to produce a lot of water. If you want to get food poisoning then just look for food that hasn’t been prepared and stored properly.
  • Viral gastroenteritis is the most well usual way that we end up with diarrhea. This is caused by a virus so picking it up can be tricky. The best way that we can develop viral gastroenteritis is skin to skin contact with somebody who already has the symptoms; just make sure that you don’t wash your hands after you touch them.
  • E. Coli is the diarrhoea lover’s friend and this is type of poisoning is easiest to pick up when travelling in warm countries where the sanitary conditions aren’t what they should be. E. Coli can last about four days so that’s a lot of time sitting on the toilet. The best way to catch it is by travelling to the tropical parts of the world and eating street food served by somebody who obviously knows nothing about basic hygiene practices. Just make sure that you have a comfortable toilet in your hotel room and enough toilet paper to see you through the next few days.
  • There are certain medications that have been shown to cause diarrhoea and if you are taking these then you will be greatly improving your chances of spending a lot of time in the toilet. Medication like antacids and vitamin supplements that contain a lot of magnesium are a great choice for those who want to develop this problem. Other medications like antibiotics need to be prescribed but when we need them they can be a great way to develop diarrhoea.
  • Alcohol and illegal drug abuse is another great idea if you want to be running to the toilet all the time. In fact some addicts can spend much of their life dealing with diarrhoea and it is a wonder that some of them have time to get high.
  • There are a number of parasites that can cause diarrhoea and all you have to do to welcome these guests into your body is swim around in some contaminated water. It can be difficult to decide what water is contaminated and which isn’t; they don’t advertise it on anything like that. The best advice would be to just jump in any water that looks dirty.